The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
