Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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