I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
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while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
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And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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