Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
