Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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