I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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