Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
