You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
