she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
