Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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