this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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