So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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