i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
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he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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