Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
