; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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