I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
