Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
