I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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