Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
