Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
