guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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