i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm too high and old for this...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
