her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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