he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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