Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
