a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Randomize
