help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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