If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
