if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
