I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
