I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
