God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
