I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
