i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
