I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
