Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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