I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
