in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
