I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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