theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
