I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
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woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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