The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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