thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
