I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
