Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
