Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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