I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
