They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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