Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
