If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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