Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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