I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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