In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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