So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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