I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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