TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
