Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize