HIV tests are more positive than that guy
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
