im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
