I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My balls are so social today.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
